~ A 3 Minute Read ~

We live in a society that teaches perfectionism through punishment.

In school, we aim for >90% on most assignments.

Best case scenario, we get a “good grade” … expectations met. Maybe mildly exceeded, even.

Then we get handed the next assignment.

Where’s the reward for our effort?

We’re taught not to expect one.

What we are taught to expect is punishment in the form of disappointment if we DON’T get the grade. Maybe even additional punishment at home. Maybe tutoring depending on how much money and expectations our family has.

Punishments don’t actually change behavior, btw. They create shame. An urge to hide. An urge to run.

Behavior only changes through reinforcing what we want more of. We’ll get to that in a minute, though.

These urges we’re talking about are natural when we’re feeling the emotional impact of shame. They aren’t about who we are as people – they’re a natural consequence of the punishment we’ve just received for not being “perfect enough.”

We also get comparisons left, right, and center on social media.

How is it that everyone else’s “normal” feels so perfect compared to our every day?

Social media is designed that way.

It’s why it can be so addicting. And why it sends us into a comparison-based shame cycle. A feature – not a bug.

Perfection is a myth. It’s subjective. My “perfect” is different from yours.

If perfection is the goal…and there’s no such thing as perfect…what are we even aiming for?

Its a recipe for disappointment. For feeling “wrong”

For “should-ing” all over ourselves.

Most of us learn to be “should-heads.”

Our brains are designed to function this way – they tell us that worrying over that thing we did imperfectly will help us do “better” the next time. Because we’re well-practiced at telling ourselves that the punishment is the way we see improvement.

Actually, improvement comes from noticing what went well. And then going one step further to reinforce it. Treat ourselves! Give ourselves a reason to try again.

If we focus on what went well, and use that to motivate our next effort…

All of a sudden we get to introduce play.

And play is a way of learning that our brain loves. Our brain learns MUCH more quickly through play than through rote repetition.

Adding play and reinforcement makes each effort go further – makes each attempt more unique and fun and sustainable.

We lose track of time.

We improve in leaps and bounds.

How can you let go of perfection today?

Release the “shoulds” and invite in the “coulds”

What does play look like for you?