~4 min read~

I keep thinking:

“This is it.

The transformation has arrived.

After today, I’ll be different.”

Every time, I’m right.

The problem is that it keeps happening. Over & over.

So it’s hard to settle in to the new norm when…it doesn’t stay still.

Like measuring the location of an atom: We EITHER get to observe it or understand how fast it’s going. Not both. Never both.

So.

I’m going to be real for a second.

I’m telling on myself.

I took on too much, and then I got overwhelmed.

Past Me had a plan. She was excited about it.

“3 blogs a week!” She proclaimed, (with every intent to follow through).

“A conversation with Present & Future Me!”

Spoiler Alert,
Present Me is here facing the consequences of the rigidity.

Even our own ideas can box us in. Structure can feel safe, or it can feel like a trap.

I’m phoenixing over here.
Future Me says I gotta burn it down and start from 0.

I’ll get to our other 12 week disciplines eventually.

If you must know, Process Control & Measurement
are toughs hurdles to overcome.

I somehow feel like I’m not alone in noticing this.

We’re trying something new over here. More flexibility. More inspiration. Fewer Rules.

Leaving perfection at the door. Over & over.
It’s a process, y’all.

Introducing the new characters of my blog:

Past Me

Present Me

Future Me

The hope here is that you’ll recognize them by alignment. No longer will they be relegated to each their own post in a rigid, 3x per week reflection on a big brain concept.

They each had too much to say.

Too much and too little
and too many self-criticisms in between.

Now they all get to speak up
when they feel so inclined.

We’ll see how it goes.
Adjust if needed.
Flexibility in Structure.

Some other side-characters who might be making themselves known are other parts whose voices have been present but maybe not so clearly identified.

{Self Compassion} – She’s my IFS Self-Leadership part. Her name may change. Regardless, her role is to hold my experience with kindness and truth without getting blaming. One of her favorite quotes sounds like:

{Fault is a Fallacy! Blame is a past-tense concept.
All we have is now. Responsibility.
We’re doing our best.
Now, What does it feel like to BE in this moment?
Let’s linger before we ask what comes next.}

[Logic Brain] – For some reason this part feels masculine, so we’re rolling with that too. Logic Brain has lots of plans. Logic Brain knows we’re capable.

Logic Brain has no real concept of time or how much effort it will take to execute said plans. He often says:

[If we have a structure, a plan, and a written path, we can’t fail!
Just do the things. Push through.
Time is precious, and we’re wasting it!
Wait, why haven’t you done my last 5 assignments since this morning?
Well you better get to them before you tackle that new inspiration.
Or else you’re failing]

ugh.

Logic Brain had me trapped in the Pit of Despair this week (and the previous one, tbh) when my blog ideas for processing the tracking Disciplines of the 12 week year fell through.

My Future Self insists that naming Logic Brain and
picking up this slack from where I am
– as opposed to where my Manager Parts insist I SHOULD be –
is my path to success.

Authenticity is Polarizing.

Welcome to my journey out of Perfectionism.
Our vehicle is Play.

That’s the commitment that most resonates,
so its the one that will likely stick.

<Fire Fighter> – This part is less gendered, but their role is to escape from Productive Tension & obligation & unrealistic expectations.

Firefighter part can be self-sabotaging if left unchecked, but it can also keep me safe when they allow me to play while still sticking to my commitments. In their least effective moments, they sound a bit more like:

<That thing sounds hard. And scary.
And what if it’s not like I imagined it?
Let’s GTFO and go do self care.
Doesn’t ice cream sound awesome right now?
Yeah. Let’s do that instead.
There will be time for *gestures vaguely*
Whatever you were trying to do here.
Later, though.
Ice cream now. >

Firefighter can be a bro, but they can also get me in trouble.

Logic and Firefighter often conspire to stop me JUST prior to accomplishing my goals.

Today’s post is about naming them so they cut that shit out.

Self Compassion reassures me that I’m right where I need to be.

{ Today is about reclaiming my play, my joy, my authenticity. }

Its’ about giving every person who reads this
permission to do the same.

What might it look like to throw out the structure that limits you?

What might it be to drop all expectations and build from the ground up?

What pieces of your old system are still resonant?
What would you like to keep?

What can be thrown into the proverbial cauldron
to be alchemized into something magical and new?

Let’s give ourselves permission to start fresh.

To Phoenix on a regular basis.

To release the “new” in service of the “NEW new”

Because the only constant in life is change.

Let’s roll with it.

May my Future Selves give profound permission
to reinvent my experience on a constant basis.

May I lean in to curiosity and authentic, resonant, versatility.
A constant rebalancing.
A reclamation of the Void.

Welcome to my Future,
I’m so glad you’re here.